What book are they from?
by Clocks Striking Thirteen
Summary: Two completely different lots of book characters meet and talk about the weirdest things. Vampires meet Sam, Caine, Drake and Astrid. Diana is busy eating a yogurt.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone. Sooo because I'm a loser and have read like every Gone fan fiction I know there were people getting mad about chat room things? So don't be mad because**

**This is mainly twilight and there are zillions anyway**

**It's the only way I could think of the characters could meet**

**It took **_**forever**_

**So yeah. Here it is.**

_Little_balls_of_light has just signed in_

_Smarter_than_you has just signed in_

_Sparklystalker1901 has just signed in_

_Mrmuscle has just signed in_

**little_balls_of_light:** Hey Astrid. What's up?

**smarter_than_you:** Excuse me? I was under the impression although you brain is considerably smaller than a slug you actually do possess a cell of common sense. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!

**Mrmuscle:** Woa. Cool it, smarter_than_you.

**little_balls_of_light: ** Who are _you_?

**Mrmuscle:** That's for me to know and you not to, Sam.

**smarter_than_you:** Ok, mrmuscle. But you can just call me smart.

**sparklystalker1901:** Emmett! Stop flirting with Astrid. It's really weird. And you're already with Rosalie.

**Mrmuscle:** Yeah Edward but she's not here now is she? Shopping. And she left her Blackberry at home.

**little_balls_of_light:** Dudes! Who are you all?

**Mrmuscle:** We're not telling! Hah.

**little_balls_of_light:** Come _on_! Fine I'll arm wrestle you. I win and you have to tell us.

**smarter_than_you:** There is no _us._ But go on.

**Mrmuscle:** Sure! Meet you at that weird mine shaft over there.

_Mrmuscle is now offline_

_little_balls_of_light is now offline_

**smarter_than_you:** I think I've got it. You're all book characters right?

**sparklystalker1901:** Please! TWILIGHT characters. Only the most amazing teenage dark romance novel EVER!

**smarter_than_you:** Okay! Keep your head on (in the metaphorical sense). I'm not really a fan of vampire-human-werewolf love triangles.

**sparklystalker1901:** Grrr! That Jacob is NOT in my love triangle.

_Dating_a_3yearold has just signed in_

**dating_a_3yearold: **Hello? Edward? Bella's dying!

**sparklystalker1901:** What? Nooooo! It's all my fault. Before Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then she shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. Now she is gone, now the meteor has fallen over the horizon, everything is black. Nothing has changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I can't see the stars anymore. And there is no more reason for anything.

**smarter_than_you:** Melodramatic much?

**dating_a_3yearold: **Yeah yeah shut up Eddie

**sparklystalker1901:** Now I'm going to go provoke the Volturi.

**dating_a_3yearold: **Cool.

_sparklystalker1901 is now offline_

**dating_a_3yearold: ** Ok good that's got rid of him. He is so predictable sometimes.

_pyschic100 has just signed in_

_pyscho100 has just signed in_

**pyschic100: **Hey Astrid and Jake! What you doing later?

**smarter_than_you:** Um… I don't know but you probably do.

**pyschic100: **True! You're going shopping with me! We can buy some lovely new cabbage.

**smarter_than_you:** …

**pyscho100: **I AM DRAKE MERWIN. Who are you to steal my username? Now which gun would you prefer the blue one or the red one.

**pyschic100: **I guess blue- bright colours just don't look good on me… wait! First don't shoot me, second I'm a vampire it wouldn't work anyway third GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PYSCHO!

**dating_a_3yearold: **So you're Drake? Hah. I could so beat you in a fight.

**pyscho100: **No way! I'd win or else kill the whole world.

**smarter_than_you:** It's not the winning; it's the taking part that counts.

_TheBOSS has just signed in_

**TheBOSS: **All of you! Shut up and go "Wow" in the incredibleness of me. And I'm totally team Edward so you can just go die in a hole Jacob. And take pages 73- 381 of New Moon with you.

_little_balls_of_light has just signed in_

**little_balls_of_light: **What? Did someone say Jacob! Yay! Edward is rubbish plus he already died in Harry Potter.

_sparklystalker1901 has just signed in_

**sparklystalker1901: **Hey! Stop making personal comments. Anyway you should have died when Drake whipped you apart and you wouldn't even have turned into a vampire.

**pyscho100: **Team Drake!

**little_balls_of_light: **Team Sam!

**TheBOSS: **Team Caine!

**pyschic100: **Team Alice!

**smarter_than_you:** Shut the f- *calming breaths* please be quiet. Who won out of Sam and Emmett?

**TheBOSS: **Emmett. Duh.

**little_balls_of_light: **No, he lost.

**smarter_than_you:** Sam won? Yay! I mean… nooooooo I'm still mad at you Sam.

**pyschic100: **Emmett LOST?

_mrmuscle has just signed in_

**mrmuscle: **I didn't LOSE. I just came second. And anyway Sam so cheated.

**little_balls_of_light: **Since whenwas burning the other sides hand off cheating?

**pyscho100: **Wish I'd seen it.

**smarter_than_you:** Sam! Even though I love you… I mean hate you it is kind of stupid to burn a vampire's hand off. They just grow back and the vamp gets mad at you.

**mrmuscle: **No worries, I was already mad at him. Love, huh? Guess that ends us flirting. It was perverted anyway. I mean a 15 year old going out with a 92 year old? Ew. No offence Edward.

**sparklystalker1901: **Lots taken.

**little_balls_of_light: **Astrid! You love me?

**smarter_than_you:** I never said that! But yes, even though you ate my piece of broccoli, I love you.

**little_balls_of_light:** Yay yay yay… This was about broccoli?

**smarter_than_you:** Ok, that sounded stupid. But we are kind of starving to death and I can cook it in a kind of bouquet garni.

**pyscho100: **Who cares about bouquet garni?You're all ignoring me. I mean, we need a bit of equality here. Just because I have a tentacle and love killing people…

**pyscho100: **You're still ignoring me! I'm bored. I think I'll go find some five year olds to torture. Bye!

_pyscho100 is now offline_

**TheBOSS: **Who needs him anyway? Edward do you want to be my second in command?

**sparklystalker1901:** I'm afraid I feel obliged to refuse that generous offer.

**TheBOSS: **You refused MY offer? I'll throw you into a wall. Well I would, if it wasn't for the whole vampy thing.

**smarter_than_you:** Fascinating as this conversation is, we need to go pick broccoli.

**sparklystalker1901: **Ok. Division of labour- we'll go hunting, you pick broccoli. Mountain lion, yum yum. See you.

_THEboss is now offline_

_smarter_than_you is now offline_

_sparklystalker1901 is now offline_

_pyschic100 is now offline_

_mrmuscle is now offline_

_dating_a_3yearold is now offline_

**little_balls_of_light: **Oh! Now I get what book they were from!

_little_balls_of_light is now offline_


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the support! I was stuck, but, then boom, inspiration. Big thanks to emilyroorose, Bhavna, voldyvssauron, guesswhoitsme, RealImagination, ThisRandomPerson, Minto Moo, xox Karen xox, msbj, Stuckindaclouds, Caris L. Clearwater

For reviews. =) 12. Wow.

Oh, _emilyroorose_, I thought that was hilarious so I quoted you. THAT SENTENCE BELONGS TO HER!

This chapter makes zero sense… sorry… better than nothing, hey? Some plot in the last few lines.

_Pyscho100 has just signed in_

_Little_balls_of_light has just signed in_

_Smarter_than_you has just signed in_

_Preggers15 has just signed in_

_Sparklystalker1901 has just signed in_

_Mrmuscle has just signed in_

**pyscho100: **I ate Bambi's mom.

**little_balls_of_light: **Dude, that sucks as a conversation opener. And I still don't want to talk to you.

**sparklystalker1901: **Yes, go away Drake.

**pyscho100: **Ooh, what you gonna do, sparkle me to death?

**sparklystalker1901: **Way below the belt. Sorry, way below my $30000000 designerbelt. But I'm really modest. Now, where's my Bella?

**Smarter_than_you:**You see, right there is a living example of early twentieth century sexism. She's not your Bella. She's not anyone's Bella.

Anyway, do you even exist?

Vampires are myths.

**Mrmuscle:** No we're not! Who told you that?

**Smarter_than_you: **Wikipedia. This, incidentally, also told me about Twilight. "Many have derided the series as poor writing."

**Preggers15: **Twilight? What's that? An aftershave?

**sparklystalker1901: **You're kidding, right? It's a classic.

**pyscho100: **Don't make me laugh. It will never provoke the same kind of emotional response in an audience as, say, Romeo and Juliet. Did I just say that… I mean, Twilight sucks! Edward sucks! Bella sucks! But at least she's human so can Feel Pain.

**sparklystalker1901: **I'm right here.

_So_sexy_it_HURTS has just signed in. _

**So_sexy_it_HURTS:** Bella's still human? I'm sure Aro will have something to say about that.

**little_balls_of_light:** Cool.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **He's speed dial #4.

**little_balls_of_light: **Great.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **We're tight, me and Aro.

**Smarter_than_you: **Aro and I.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS:** You? No way. He likes me better than Alec. And way better than whoever you are, randomer! *grins creepily* I'm his special favourite…

**sparklystalker1901: **I'm scared, Jane.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Say it with some sincerity.

_ILoveBallerinas_ _has just signed in._

**ILoveBallerinas: **I AM THE GAIAPHAGE

**ILoveBallerinas: **I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR SOULS!

**ILoveBallerinas: **Oh damn, now you know my secret plan. I have to come up with another one now. The first one took me around fourteen years.

**little_balls_of_light: **How about letting us out of the FAYZ

**ILoveBallerinas: **Nice try. Do you know how long I spent painting the FAYZ wall pink?

**Smarter_than_you: **Paint doesn't stick to the FAYZ wall…

**ILoveBallerinas: **Yeah, well I know that now.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Speed dial #1 is my psychiatrist.

**pyscho100: **I once had a psychiatrist.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Speed dial #2 is my mother.

**pyscho100: **I once had a mother.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Speed dial #3 is the local drug dealer.

**pyscho100: **I once saw someone sniffing glue!

**Smarter_than_you: **Drake, you're just craving attention. Ignore him, everyone, and he'll go away.

**little_balls_of_light: **Like a verruca.

**pyscho100**: I like to think of myself more like a wart.

**Smarter_than_you: **You mean, like a verruca, but can be on the genital areas, or inside the mouth.

**sparklystalker1901: ***blushes* Genital areas. Jesus Christ.

**Smarter_than_you: **Don't take the Lord's name in vain!

**sparklystalker1901: **I don't have a soul.

**little_balls_of_light: **Are you ginger?

**ILoveBallerinas: **You gingerphobe!** PREPARE TO DIE!**

**Preggers15: **The Gaiaphage is ginger…

**little_balls_of_light: **Not so scary anymore, is he?

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Or she.

**Smarter_than_you: **Or it.

**I3Ballerinas: **I'm right here! And my masculinity is wounded.

_GrilledDuck has just signed in_

**GrilledDuck: **…I'm sinking! I'm sinking! I'm burning! I'm… oh, hi guys. You know, having super powers doesn't always make you a superhero.

**sparklystalker1901: ***intense voice* What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy?

**Pyscho100:** Scary... Jane, are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind, screaming and crying in terror all day.

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **Psychos are hot. Let's go out.

**Pyscho100:** Where?

**So_sexy_it_HURTS: **I feel like a takeout.

_Pyscho100 has just signed out_

So_sexy_it_HURTS_ has just signed out_

**little_balls_of_light: **Wait… Diana? Duck? Emmett? When did you get here?

**Preggers15: **I'm not Diana. I'm, uh… ThatFitGuyRileyFromTwilight.

**sparklystalker1901: **Riley's dead. And it's only women who get pregnant, believe me I know.

**Preggers15: **Aren't you cool. Male seahorses have babies.

**GrilledDuck: **…I'm not dead…

**sparklystalker1901: **Neither am I…

**Preggers15: **So far, I'm immortal.

**Mrmuscle:** I was just thinking…

**Preggers15: **You _were_?

**Mrmuscle:** Ooh, sarcasm burns. Anyway, I was wondering if a vampire under the age of 15 when they became one but was really like 74 would poof.

**Smarter_than_you: **Bella wouldn't poof, what with her mental age.

**ILoveBallerinas: **I'm being ignored. PREPARE TO DIE!

**little_balls_of_light: **Prepare to meet vampires and POWERS! And DIE!

_Little_balls_of_light has just signed out_

_Smarter_than_you has just signed out_

_Preggers15 has just signed out_

_Sparklystalker1901 has just signed out_

_Mrmuscle has just signed out_

___GrilledDuck has just signed out_

**ILoveBallerinas: **I've got to go clean my hamster's cage first, though.

_ILoveBallerinas_ _has just signed out_

...

_SheWolf has just signed in._

**SheWolf:** What's the deal here? Why does anyone like Bella, it's not like she's a wolf girl. Like me. She's just a human, who doesn't have to deal with the horrible pain of actually having an ex boyfriend, like me, cause she's never had one except an undead masochistic monster.

...

**SheWolf:** Guys?


End file.
